As I was explaining to my sister earlier, my view on pronouns (for me) are as follows:
I grew up with “she/her.” That is what I’m used to.
In an ideal world, I would use gender-neutral pronouns. This, however, is not an ideal world. Being referred to in a gender-neutral manner marks you—it is marked language. Being female-bodied, I know what being “marked” is like, because being anything other than white cismale is to be an “other” (and boy do I know about being an “other”).
And that is not what I want. What I want is that it is tacitly accepted that I do not feel like a “she” or a “he” most of the time. This acceptance should not be riotous or exaggerated, but as simple an assertion as “I take cream and sugar in my tea.” I want gender-neutral pronouns to be as unmarked as “he” and “she.” But they are not. Not yet. English is still as gendered as the society it serves.
The thing is, I am marked in so many ways. I’m a Third-Culture Kid. I’m mixed-race, dark-skinned. I’m female-bodied (and curvy to boot). I occupy spaces held traditionally by men, through sheer stubbornness (specifically, I’m talking about performance). I’m a European in America. I’m an American in Europe. I have no fucking idea what I am in India (awkward, mostly). I’m a transvestite. I would like to reduce my markedness, even if only by a little.
So “she/ her” works for right now because it’s what I’m used to, even if it is not technically always correct. I have girly days. I have dude days. When it’s 99 degrees out and 80% humidity, I don’t care what gender I am, I’m wearing booty shorts and a tank top because it’s fucking hot out. “She/ her” is okay because it makes my life easier.